Do It For Yourself

4:17 AM Nathasya Pricilia B Kristianto 0 Comments



  Do it For Yourself
In my entire life, I was never too skinny nor too heavy. I'm very petite, and my weight hovers around 45ish to 50 kg. During my secondary school, my weight was stagnant; it never really goes up or down. After I moved to Singapore, I lost several kilos and I was at my skinniest, at 44 kilos. Soon after I got into my last relationship, my weight climbs up until 49 kilos. I felt ugly, and fat because people around me were really skinny. What makes it worst, some people throws nasty comment at me saying how fat am I, and how I needed to lose weight so badly. It hurts like a bitch, and I used to be so upset because of that. The funny thing is, those who are close to me told me repeatedly that I only gain weight, but nothing too significant or anything. My dad was more than happy; he never likes either me or my sister to be too skinny. My –then- boyfriend, was telling me that as long as I'm happy, all is fine. But of course, as a normal human being I still care about what other people said. You know…. thoughts in your mind about what people will say about you. Then, I went on a diet mission based on people’s perception of me, not for myself which is a huge mistake. For 7 days I eat no carbs, and exercise regularly but it was really hard to keep up, and the weighing scale didn't move so much. This makes me feel even worse, because all of the efforts that I’ve put didn't really pay off. After awhile, I went for my study block in China. I didn't put too much attention to my weight as I have so many things going on there. I got food poisoning, and lose some weight. Gain it back easily because of all the good foods in China. But the funny thing is, I never felt once I have to lose weight. Of course I’ve said many times to my friend that I need to lose some weight, my arms are so big blablablabla but I was confidence under my own skin. You know why? Because people around me don’t care about how much I weigh. They never thought I should lose weight that my body was in the right state. They never throw insulting comments at me, not because they don’t want to, but I believe because they really think I didn’t have to lose any. I was at my heaviest while I was in China, I never weigh in while I was there, but I can totally feel my pants are getting smaller, but I never felt as good as I was.
Girls will always be girls, and of course who don’t want to get skinny? Blessed are those who were born like supermodels, but of course not everyone in the entire world has long legs and flat abs. My tummy is so big, it can compete with my dad’s. My mom thighs are much smaller than mine. Yes, it would be a total lie if I say I don’t want to lose weight. In fact, I’m currently doing a very strict diet programme. Not because I feel ugly, but because my body felt so heavy and I got tired easily. I REALLY want to be active. I’m young, only 20 years old, and being tired after a few run is not a good sign. See the difference before and after? Before, I tried to lose weight because I was scared of what other people might think. Now, I do it for myself (and if I really lose a lot of weight it’s a total bonus point :p). And really, if someone throws really mean comment on how you look just ignore them. Always remember this, what comes around, goes around. Karma is a bitch, always. This applies not only for weight but other things too. I got called ugly before too, indirectly of course. But it still feels like shit, doesn’t it? But really, ignore those comments; they are just unhappy about their lives. If you don’t feel like you need to lose weight, then don’t. You own yourself, don’t let other people tell you what you need to do. The most important thing is, be comfortable under your own skin, and stand firm on who you think you are. If you’re not comfortable with yourself, who will? Focus on what you are doing, be a better version of yourself, not for other people but for you!

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